Friction:  positive or negative?  If I posed that question in a small group, I can imagine a variety of responses.  It’s friction that keeps our tires on the road in wet weather—which is good!  But inside the car that is moving, there is friction as all the parts work together.  In fact, 20% of the energy needed to power our cars is used simply to overcome friction generated by the moving parts inside!  Friction is the naturally occurring force that slows down moving objects.  Sometimes we need power to overcome friction, such as getting our car to start moving in the first place!  And sometimes we need friction to hold back power, such as keeping our wheels on the road.  Friction is both positive and negative.

But friction isn’t just a naturally occurring force at work in cars. It’s at work everywhere!  Take your hands and rub them together as fast as you can.  What happens?  They get hot!  And you get tired!  Friction happens any time two objects rub together.  It can even happen with people.  I don’t mean people’s skin literally touching, but when we get angry with each other, or frustrated, or annoyed.  Recently I experienced friction with a friend when we discovered we disagree on an important issue.  There was a big awkward pause in what had been a really jovial conversation!  There are all kinds of reasons why we have friction with other people, but most of the reasons can be boiled down to one simple truth:  people are different.  They like different things, they see things differently, they need different things, they experience things differently.  The same boiling water that hardens the egg softens the carrot!  The same situation impacts different people in different ways.  And the result of people thinking and seeing and moving in different directions is friction.

Many years ago, while serving my first congregation, I was surprised to see how much friction there had been in the church’s history.  So I signed up for a course in conflict resolution.  The first thing the presenters said hit home with me: conflict poorly handled is a huge energy drain.  Yup, I was feeling that!  They went on to say that conflict can drain up to 70% of the energy from a church!  I’m not sure how they got that statistic, but their main point made sense.  Energy we spend on conflict is energy we don’t have to spend on mission and ministry.  They gave some examples, of how conflict was the start of the end for more than a few congregations.

Thankfully, the presenters went on to say that, as Christians who follow Christ’s example, we know that good news always follows bad news.  The good news, they said, is that conflict turned over to God becomes the very foundation upon which future growth can be built!  Friction can become the soil out of which new things grow!  Again they cited examples from churches they had worked with as proof of their claim.  I had heard about how forest fires are needed in order for the ecosystem to stay healthy.  I had heard how new birth comes out of the ashes.  I agreed that, in theory, God could use conflict to birth something new.  I wanted to know more about what it looks like to turn our friction over to God, so I could experience this new growth, too!

But conflict can be hard to talk about.  So I went back home and created this children’s book and shared it with my congregation that Sunday in worship.  A few years later I used it again, at my second church.  I imagine it will be useful at every church I ever serve because friction is a naturally occurring, universal force!  I titled it, “How It Feels When We’re Together”.  It’s one of those touch and feel books.  Page one features a piece of flannel and says, “I love it when we’re together and things feel cozy and just right.”  The flannel is so soft and comforting, just like church life often is!

Page two features a piece of aluminum foil and says, “Usually we have lots of fun and all is shiny bright.”  Page three has a piece of satin from the edging on a blanket.  “Sometimes we disagree but we’re able to slide through.”  Isn’t it great when life is soft, shiny and smooth?  But we know it’s common for things get to get rough.  So on page four, there’s a piece of sandpaper.  “Other times we hurt each other by the things we say and do.”   Abrasive.  Stiff.  Sharp.  Hurtful.  Damaging.  I imagine all of us have had an experience or two over the years with a church member or a pastor that felt like sandpaper.  There was friction, and it was painful.

I find it comforting to know we are not the first generation of people to have these problems.  Lilian read for us from Psalm 109, and were you shocked like I was to hear what the psalmist wrote?  His neighbors were so angry at him, they were praying he would be falsely accused and found guilty.  They prayed for his death, that his wife would be a widow and his children orphans.  They prayed that no one would show him or his family any kindness.  We don’t know the back story, but that’s some serious friction, right?  But look at what the psalmist did.  He gave that friction over to God.  He prayed about it.  He prayed for the people who were actively wishing him harm.  He asked God to help him.  He prayed for justice.  He praised God.  He affirmed his faith that God would save him from condemnation.

So step one in turning our friction over to God is prayer.  But not just any prayer.  A special kind of prayer, called lament.  It’s a prayer where we name the truth about our anger, sadness, rage, jealousy, fear, bitterness—whatever dark emotions we have.  But we also name the light:  the steadfastness of God’s love, the peace our faith offers us, the hope we have in the Lord.  In order for God to grow something good from our friction, we have to turn it over to God.  We have to expose that dark soil to the light.  We have to name the WHOLE truth to ourselves and to God.  The practice of lament needs to become a spiritual habit for us.  It needs to become a normal response to the normal friction of life!

Friction was a problem in Jesus’ day, too.  He also advocated turning our friction over to God.  In fact, turning our friction over to God is a more important sacrifice than leaving our gifts at the altar!  It is a top priority!  Confessing our sin, asking forgiveness, making things right—these are all scriptural ways of turning our friction over to God.  Reconciliation is not always possible.  So setting limits and boundaries, protecting ourselves from further harm, seeking wise counsel—these too are ways to turn our friction over to God.  If we’re looking for the do’s and don’ts of how to handle friction, we can find a lot of Jesus’ teaching.

But Jesus’ teaching is not easy!  Look at Matthew 5:22, “But I say to you if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire.”  Yowza!  Jesus is speaking in hyperbole here, but we get his point.  “Do no harm” is one of our three General Rules.  But Jesus calls us to a higher standard:  do not even think about doing harm!  It’s not enough to restrain yourself from violence or revenge or angry outbursts.  We are to turn our anger over to God so that our minds and souls are freed from the anger.  Be angry, but don’t stay angry any longer than you have to.  Turn your anger over to God.  Trust God to work it out, rather than take things in your own hands.

We started worship with our key verse, a teaching from Paul who said, “Be angry, but do not sin.”  (Ephesians 4:26a)  Paul elaborates on this idea when he says, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need so that your words may give grace to those who hear.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption.  Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.”  (Ephesians 4:29-32)

As Christians, Jesus calls us to do some very deep thinking about our anger.  Tomorrow, we will celebrate Independence Day here in America, a day that would not be possible were it not for the righteous anger of patriots fighting against British tyranny.  The other day Phil and I were walking our dog through downtown Media, and we came across the Civil War Monument outside the Delaware County Courthouse.  Were it not for the righteous anger of the abolitionist movement, and for the bravery and conviction of military and political figures, the end to slavery would have come later and uglier in America’s history.  Without righteous anger as fuel, the work of justice rarely happens.  Anger has an important place in our spiritual lives.

Yet Jesus cautions us to be very careful with our anger.  In a metaphorical way, when we carry anger around, we are carrying a deadly weapon.  Jesus said anyone who calls his brother a fool commits murder in his or her heart.  Our anger can keep us from connecting to the more tender emotions of grief and loss and sadness and fear that are underneath.  And anger can keep us from connecting to the more tender emotions of people who see things differently than we do.  Anger, if not managed carefully, can keep us from experiencing communion with our siblings in Christ.  It can damage the body of Christ.  It can become a force for evil instead of a force for good.

Friction is a normal part of life together.  Sometimes when we’re together things feel cozy and just right.  Usually we have lots of fun and all is shiny bright.  Sometimes we disagree but we’re able to slide through.  Other times we hurt each other by the things we say and do.

That’s why I included a fifth page to my children’s book on friction.  I mounted some pieces of gauze in the window of the page and wrote, “We call on Jesus to heal our hurts and forgive our sin, to bind us together into a family that honors him.”  Friction is the naturally occurring force that slows down moving objects.  It is neither inherently positive or negative.  But what we do with it?  How we handle it?  We have all experienced the pain that comes from friction poorly handled.  Jesus came, though, to be our peace.  To be the constant we keep focused on, even when righteous anger erupts.

This school year I learned how to say “Peace” in American Sign Language.  It’s starts out by rubbing your hands together, as if there is friction.  You rub your hands and twist them, which is how it feels when we are not getting along with someone else!  But then the sign of peace puts all that friction aside, and makes a smooth and leveling out motion.  The sign for peace is actually two words:  rubbing the hands together is the sign for “become”, and leveling the hands out is the sign for “still or calm”.  Peace.  Become still.  Become calm.  May we embody the peace of Christ, even when there is friction.  As Paul wrote, “Be angry, but do not sin.”  Amen.

 

 

 

Benediction:  Grant, O Lord, that what has been said with our lips we may believe in our hearts, and that what we believe in our hearts we may practice in our lives, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.

(United Methodist Book of Worship #567, John Hunter 19th century, Scotland)