How many sermons have you heard on Paul’s famous treatise on love?  Earlier this month I officiated at a wedding, and the couple chose 1 Corinthians 13 for the scripture reading, and honestly, you can’t go wrong with this passage!  I know that I personally can always use a reminder that love is patient, because even though I want to be loving, I am not always patient!  I know that I personally can always use a reminder that love is kind, keeps no record of wrongs, is not self-seeking.  Boy does that fly counter to the ways of our world today!  I have used this passage at weddings over the years, because it captures how couples feel as they stand together on their wedding day, pledging to live differently.  As they vow to live lovingly, forever.  Being there in those moments is one of the best things about my job.

But Paul did not write this scripture with weddings in mind.  He wasn’t writing to give husbands and wives a template for a happy marriage.  He was writing about love to help all of us in the church use our spiritual gifts in ways that make the most positive contribution.  Paul points out that, it doesn’t matter what your gifts are if you don’t use them lovingly.  You could be the best preacher in the world, but without love, your words are as effective as a clanging gong or a noisy bell.  You could be the smartest person around, and able to explain all kinds of mysteries, but without love, what good does that do anybody?  Even if you give all you have to the poor, if you do not love, all that giving gets you nothing.  Faith is good.  Hope is good.  But love is the best.

Paul wrote his famous treatise on love, just after having written quite a bit about spiritual gifts.  One thing that really surprised me when I was reading through 1 Corinthians this summer is how Paul says to “eagerly desire the greater gifts.”  Is Paul saying we have some control over how gifted we are by the Spirit?  Earlier in 1 Corinthians Paul wrote, “Now to each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.”  We might assume that means God and God alone picks the ways the Spirit is manifested in each one of us.  But now Paul seems to be indicating that we have some say in the matter.  Eagerly desire the greater gifts, he says, which must mean, if we want more and greater manifestations of the Spirit, we can get them.

But it would be good to ask ourselves why.  Why would Paul want us to seek more of God’s Spirit?  Obviously, since we are all part of one body, we’re not to eagerly desire the greater gifts so we can make our particular part look good.  We don’t get individual credit for being the smartest person in the room or the most gifted person in the church.  This is not about puffing ourselves up, or maximizing our individual contribution.  This is about synergy.  About doing the best we can to bring out the best in everyone!  We are to eagerly desire the greater gifts so we can help bring out the best and greatest in everyone, so the Body of Christ can make its greatest contributions to the Kingdom of God.

Love is the most excellent way of using our gifts.  Using our gifts to build others up, help others shine, and create opportunities for everyone to connect to their giftedness and have the joy of being part of God’s work in the world.  Regardless of what our gifts are, we are to deploy them in a loving way that seeks others’ well-being as equal to our own.  But Paul doesn’t just say to use the gifts we have lovingly.  He says to “eagerly desire the greater gifts”.  What does he mean by that?  Can we just go through the Bible, look at the various lists of spiritual gifts, and pick out the ones we want as if we were making a wish list from Amazon, or thinking old school, the Christmas toy catalog?

I remember talking about this one time with some clergy colleagues, and one of my pastor friends said, “You know, if I thought my congregation were lacking a particular gift, I would ask God to give it to me.”  On the one hand, that makes sense–Jesus tells us to ask God for everything we need.  But it struck me as a rather arrogant thing to say.  Because the goal isn’t to become supremely gifted ourselves.  It’s to bring about the greatest good—which often comes from empowering others to live into their gifts.  I have a saying on my bulletin board, “Don’t overpower—empower!”  Just as the Spirit gifts all of us, the Spirit leads us to help others discover and employ their gifts.

It all comes down to love, doesn’t it?  If we are focused on loving God with our whole beings, then is I think it is true, that we do have some say in the gifts we receive, but not in the way we might at first think.  Paul tells us that the manifestations of the spirit are for the common good, but in my experience, they also come about as a result of the common good.  In other words, I think it’s rare to see one supremely gifted person surrounded by a bunch of lukewarm Christians.  In general, I think we receive more gifts when, as a community, we are working together on desiring them.

Recently I watched an interview of Ed Catmull, one of the founders of Pixar, the people who made animated movies such as Inside Out, Toy Story, and Finding Nemo.  He talked about how hard it is to do performance evaluations of creative people, especially if the project is not going well.  Just because the movie isn’t a success does not mean that individuals working on the project did not do a great job.  Ed Catmull went on to say something very interesting.  He said when the work is not going well, the WAY the work is done becomes the criteria for evaluating the work.  Even if the project turns out to be a creative flop–which they accept as inevitable, given that no artist’s work is commercially successful every time–even if in terms of dollars the project was a disaster, if they can find ways to work together well, they consider the project a success, because they know that the quality of the collaboration determines the quality of the creativity over the long haul.

The quality of the collaboration determines the quality of the creativity over the long haul.  This strikes me as a supremely important insight.  Perhaps that is why Paul, before going on to specify which gift he thinks the church members in Corinth should focus on, he talks to them about love.  Because no matter what their work is, no matter if they are engaged in healing or preaching or hospitality, if they can do that with love, in the end, all of that work will lead to creativity.  New life.  New people changed by the good news of God’s love.  The more love we can show each other, the more we will be blessed by new manifestations of God’s spirit.

Recently I started reading a book called, “Holy Friendship:  Nurturing Relationships that Sustain Pastors and Leaders” by Victoria Atkinson White.  She teaches at Duke Divinity School and has concluded that without deep friendships, most pastors and lay leaders will not be effective over the long haul.  She calls these special relationships “holy friendships”, and says that without them, we cannot do the holy work we are called to do.  We were built to live in community—this discipleship thing is truly a group project!  None of us can be the body of Christ alone.  We need each other.  But we need each other in particular ways. We need people who will be patient with us.  People who will help us see the truth about ourselves.  People who will call us out when we’re heading down the wrong path, and bear with us when we’re going through hard changes.  In other words, we don’t just need fair weather friends.  We need holy friends!  God-like friends!  Victoria White says “holy friends participate in our lives in a triune way.  They root us in God’s ongoing story by valuing our past, holding space for our present, and helping us midwife a vision for the future.”

I love that idea, that holy friends root us in God’s ongoing story.  They help us see that God was with us back then.  They help us see, and give us space to discover, that God is with us right now.  And they help us “midwife a vision for the future.”  This kind of deep connection is the birthplace of creativity and joy.

Now to each one is given a manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.  Eagerly desire the greater gifts.  And now I will show you the most excellent way.  Paul’s letter gives us the framework for life in the church.  And like at a wedding, where two people stand together before God and their friends and family and vow to love differently, love exclusively, love better than the rest of the world—we in the church are called to stand together before God and pledge to love well.  We may not know exactly where we are going.  But we know the way to get there.  And that way is love.

But sometimes, don’t you get tired of hearing about love in the church?  I remember many years ago, before I became a pastor, listening to Rev. Dave Cramp at Lansdale UMC preach about love, and I thought to myself, blah, blah, blah.  We don’t need more love.  We need more action!  Let’s do more now!  As I said, patience has never been one of my strengths!   They used to hang this banner in the sanctuary at Lansdale UMC for Lent.  It had a picture of a chalice of red wine, with droplets falling from it.  It said Love Gave at the top, near the chalice.  It said Love Gave at the middle, near the first droplet.  And it said Love Gave at the bottom.  I used to sit there in worship and wonder about that banner.  But now I think I am finally starting to understand it.  Love gave.  Love gives.  Love is not self-seeking.  It always gives.  It gives protection, it gives grace, it gives hope, it gives and gives and gives over the long haul.  Love will never end.

Yes, we should eagerly seek the greater gifts.  But it’s important to ask ourselves, why.  Why do we want more spiritual gifts?  Why do we want to be able to manifest God’s power in greater ways?  If we want more spiritual gifts just to have them, we will be like noisy gongs and clanging bells.  If we want more just to accumulate for ourselves–even if we amass a faith that can move mountains–if we are doing that so we can get more for ourselves as opposed to giving more away to others–Paul says we are nothing.  Our focus should never be on “getting more” people, dollars, influence, etc.  Our focus should be on giving more.  Giving away hope, that there is a God who cares.  Giving away encouragement, that there are people who can help make God real.  Giving away forgiveness, peace, joy.  Giving of ourselves until there is justice for all.

I think this is the key difference between regular friendship and holy friendship.  Regular friendship is mostly about what you get out of a relationship.  You get happy experiences, you get companionship, you get novelty.  But holy friendship is more about what we give.  We give of ourselves so someone else can become whole.  In the process, they give of themselves and it blesses us.  It’s the giving.  Our primary job, and our primary goal, is to give what we have away.  To give away hope, peace, joy and love.  To give away the good news that God loves us and wants to be friends with us forever.  To give away the manifestation of God’s power in whatever ways God wants that to be manifest. If we can learn to collaborate with God in this way–as giver-awayers of God’s goodness instead of as people focused on getting results for ourselves–I believe it is the quality of our collaboration with God and with each other that will lead to creativity and growth over the long haul.

Now to each one is given a manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.   Eagerly desire the greater gifts.  And now I will show you the most excellent way.  Who might God be nudging you to reach out to, to cultivate a holy friendship with?  How can we nurture holy friendships within our congregation and circle of acquaintances?  Who will help us midwife God’s vision for our future?  I hope you will take some time this week to invest in a friend.  It is a truly holy endeavor. Amen.