Learn to Discern
Star Word: Discernment
Hello! I am honored to bring you a message today on a topic that has very much been on my mind lately. You may have noticed that each of the messages this month has been about a Star Word. (Not Star Wars.) The idea is that each person who wants to prayerfully chooses a word to encapsulate a theme or goal they want to concentrate on throughout the year. This is their “star word”. Like the wise men following the Christmas star, you metaphorically and prayerfully follow this word to see what blessings and insights it leads you to. This tool was introduced to us by Pastor Dorry, and as you have heard over the past few weeks, it can be an effective and moving practice.
I’ll admit, I never settled on a star word last year. I wasn’t planning on one this year.
Though I volunteered to give the message today, initially I had no idea what I was going to speak about. So I went to the United Methodist Lectionary. This is a list of suggested church readings for each particular Sunday of each year. Pastors (and others) can use them as inspiration, or not, as they wish. And the topic for today was Discernment.
But what is Discernment? I discovered it can mean a few different things in the context of the church. But I’m going to focus on the common English definitions in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
1) the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure : skill in discerning
2) an act of perceiving or discerning something
Discernment, perception, penetration, insight, acumen all mean a power to see what is not evident to the average mind.
Discernment stresses accuracy (as in reading character or motives or appreciating art).
the discernment to know true friends
Insight suggests depth of discernment coupled with understanding sympathy.
a documentary providing insight into the plight of the homeless
This really spoke to me as something I needed to focus on. Discernment will be my star word for this year. Or Insight. Or both. I’m still discerning. 🙂
“Did you wash your hands before dinner?”
“Did you wash your hands before dinner? Are you sure?” How many of you have heard a kid claim that they did when you can discern that they really didn’t. How many of you remember being that kid?
There are all sorts of clues. The child answers too quickly or hesitates before answering. Dry hands. No sound of running water. Up until now they’ve been in the room with you. Not to mention the tattling sibling.
Really, how important is it that the kid actually did wash their hands? I mean… the whole global pandemic aside? The Bible talks about washing feet, but I didn’t remember anything about hands. In the case of kids, though, surely the more important issue is the breaking of two commandments. Honor your mother and father. Thou shalt not bear false witness (against a neighbor). Often generalized to mean “don’t lie”.
(Incidentally, it’s taken very much out of context, but a quick search of my Bible app brought me Exodus 30:21. “They shall wash their hands and their feet, so that they may not die: it shall be a perpetual ordinance for them, for him and for his descendants throughout their generations.”)
Other everyday moments you might need discernment
What about white lies? “Does this dress make me look fat?” Judge not, lest ye be judged.
Discernment is needed to understand how best to answer (or avoid answering) a tricky question like this without hurting feelings. And from the other perspective to assess the truthfulness (and the compassion) behind the response. And when to forgive. (Which is pretty much always.)
Discernment is not the same thing as judgment. Judgment can imply a power differential where you feel you have authority over and are superior to the person or situation you are judging. It is often a reaction, condemning, and considered final. Discernment, however, is more personal and conscious. Effort is made to distinguish what the situation is or calls for, what the good and hopefully best choices are that we can make. Best for both ourselves and others.
There are all sorts of everyday moments when you need discernment for situations that the Bible doesn’t seem to address. At least not directly. And I’m not even planning to tackle discernment regarding big moral dilemmas. At least not directly.
Discernment is needed when picking a leader. Or a career. Or distinguishing good and evil. (And we should discern whether actions are good or evil. It is not up to us to judge whether people are.)
Unwanted gifts
Who here has been given a gift that they didn’t ask for and don’t want? I haven’t. This year. That you know of.
You probably don’t want to just say “No thank you.” That would probably hurt the giver’s feelings. Do you lie and say you love it? (Thus reinforcing the idea that you want more of this sort of thing.) Do you say something like “You shouldn’t have! That was so thoughtful!” Is the answer different depending on whether you think the giver actually was thoughtful? Do you wear or display the item proudly? Do you quietly exchange it or regift it? (And do you think the next owner will appreciate it?) Do you sincerely say thank you, and then quietly and privately let them know there is something that you’d really like to exchange it for? I don’t know. Inquiring for a friend.
What about reading a situation and discerning the right thing to do or say? Do you say Happy Holidays when you know or suspect someone is grieving?
I know I’m raising a lot of questions here without giving any answers, but please bear with me.
Food Issues
What about the whole food thing mentioned in today’s epistle lesson? Chances are today you don’t need to worry about food sacrificed to idols. If you love meat but are eating with a vegetarian, is it okay to enjoy a hamburger in their presence? What if you live with a vegetarian? It might depend on why they don’t eat meat. Is it a health reason? Do they think it’s morally wrong? 1st Corinthians asks this: Will it cause them to stumble? If they are unsure about Christianity, seeing Christians chow down on pork spareribs or something might turn them off.
Even if you are a vegetarian, what about eating something in the presence of someone who has a food allergy to it? Even if they are physically okay to be around that food, they might feel excluded or unappreciated if no alternative main course is offered for them. Unloved even. Or it might not bother them at all. Do you discreetly ask?
A long time ago I was riding in a car with a bunch of friends to a wedding. Someone had brought a bag of Jelly Babies and we were sharing it. In case you are not familiar, Jelly Babies are chewy, fruit-flavored candies vaguely in the shape of cartoon babies. They are softer than gummy candies like gummy bears. More like the jelly candy orange slices covered in sugar you can sometimes find. Only Jelly Babies are dusted with powdered sugar instead.
In any case, I idly glanced at the ingredients. Had I thought about it, I would have known that many of the better chewy candies have gelatin as an ingredient, and separately that real gelatin is extracted from the bones and other parts of animals. I really hope that if this is news to you, you don’t find it too disturbing. But looking at the Jelly Baby ingredients I was shocked and amused to see what it said. “Beef!?”, I blurted out, laughing. “The Jelly Babies contain beef!” I passed around the bag for others to see, and everyone laughed and bit the heads off them with even more gusto.
Well, not everyone. “Oh, no. Well now I can’t even pretend,” said one of my friends forlornly as she shuddered and pushed the bag away. Had I thought about it, I would have remembered that she was a vegetarian. I didn’t think to wonder about her reaction, or anyone’s, before announcing my discovery. There was a brief discussion about vegetarianism and her reasons for it. She simply sympathized with animals too much to knowingly partake in eating them or supporting their use as food. And I’m ashamed to say that even then, my friends and I kept going on about how amazed and impressed we were that Jelly Babies were labeled as containing real beef, and we enthusiastically finished the bag. Only later did I think about my friend’s feelings. Perhaps I should have not made the announcement. Or perhaps I should have respectfully said to her, “You know, apparently these have real beef in them. If that bothers you, we can put them away.” I suspect the others would have followed my lead, and even if they didn’t, I think she would have seen I cared.
We need discernment!
It depends
I know. As mentioned before, I’m raising lots of questions, and giving few if any answers. Again, at least not directly. But that is because life’s answers are often, “It depends.” The Bible may not give us specific details on what we should do in every situation. The gospels were written nearly two thousand years ago. And the Old Testament long before that!
To get more insight it helps to compare each situation to examples in the Bible. Particularly those that come directly from Jesus and his disciples. The laws and the parables are written generally, and if you study them, even by just paying attention to the messages in church, you can learn to discern how to apply them in your life. You can also look for wisdom from the saints in your own life. And from the Holy Spirit. Half the battle in discernment is paying attention and trying to discern. The more you do that, the more likely you are to get it right. And right or wrong, God loves you. As 1 Corinthians 13:12 puts it, “For now we see only a reflection, as in a mirror, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.” Keep squinting. Keep studying the mirror. It will become clear in time.
“The gospel is not good advice. It is good news.” Why not both?
I’ve heard from at least three different sources that the Bible isn’t an instruction manual. It’s the story of the character and love of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and the message that we are saved if we believe and allow ourselves to be.
“The gospel is not good advice. It is good news.”, claim some. But actually, I believe it is both.
It is good news. Indeed, it’s Great News. We don’t have to be all that successful at being discerning. No matter what we do, or don’t do, God offers us Grace. As long as we believe Jesus is our Savior and try to follow him. Which takes practice. But how do we follow him? By trying to discern what is right and acting accordingly. By following his example. By following his teachings. By seeking and following the Holy Spirit. By loving God and our neighbors. (And by neighbors we mean everyone!) By forgiving. This is the advice in the Bible. Do you see the whole little relationship?
So, we don’t have to be all that successful at discernment, but we should try.
When asked if you’ve washed your hands, don’t lie. Honor your father and mother and just do it.
When hearing a child be dishonest, patiently correct them. “…Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4) And forgive.
When eating with or preparing food for someone, be sensitive to their needs and feelings. Do this in general.
Not sure how to respond to an unwanted gift? Do as you would have done unto you. With love. Try that, and you’ll get it mostly right, with the errors of judgment forgiven if you forgive others. Just do your best. In love.
Challenge
So, this week I challenge you (and myself) to be mindful of discernment. If you have a scrap of paper and a writing implement, quickly jot a reminder to yourself. It could be the word “Discernment”. Or a cartoon pair of eyes and a heart. Or WWJD. (“What Would Jesus Do?”) Then carry that piece of paper in your pocket or purse or post it where you are sure to see it the most. Or if you prefer, open a Notes app in your phone and do the same thing. Try to keep the Notes app open on your phone all week so that you see it constantly. When you do, pay attention. Try to discern the situation. Pray about it. Focus less on your own wants and needs and distractions and read the room. What is going on in the minds of others? What are their needs and feelings? If you need to, consider asking them. What is the right thing to do? Not sure? Pray about it again. Refer to the Bible.
Can you imagine if everyone in the world even tried to do this for a week? A bit more of God’s will would be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. And we could actually see the improvement.
Please focus on and internalize this brief prayer: Lord, as Proverbs 2:1 encourages us, help us to accept your words and treasure up your commandments within us, making our ears attentive to wisdom and inclining our hearts to understanding. And discernment. Amen.